Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
