So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
