I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
