I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
