FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
