I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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