The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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