Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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