when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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