He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
