i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think your dad took our porno
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
