you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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