If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
