The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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