y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
