Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
