I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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