Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
