I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
