super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
