like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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