I hate your face
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize