this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
