worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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