Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
