Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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