8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
