I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize