I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
