I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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