You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
