i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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