soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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