My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
