guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
