im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
