Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
