you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
