apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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