Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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