Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
