Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
