i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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