Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
