My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
