they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
