You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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