okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I still have a little drunk in my system
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
