I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
