yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I pour the whiskey from now on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
