haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
vagina is talking i cant
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize