It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
