here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
