Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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