How'd it feel making her break her religion?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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