Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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