You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
