I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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