There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
