i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
