do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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