I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's rum buckets o'clock
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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