why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
