All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize