i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
