I cannot find my penis.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
