this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
