I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
