worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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