I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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