I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
