??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
